I thought I could manage my depression on my own, without anyone’s help. I never thought I would actually reach this point. I thought I love myself enough to not cut myself.
Lately I’ve been having thoughts, or should I say feelings(???), of self-harming. In my case, I cut myself without the intention of actually killing myself.
I just want to feel the pain.
Physical pain. Not just mental, or emotional pain anymore. I want to feel pain in a different form. I can’t really explain it well why. But it just feels right.
I don’t talk about my problems with anyone anymore. I genuinely feel that my ‘real’ friends care, but, I just got tired of sharing my thoughts and feelings with them. I knew they care, but it didn’t feel like they understand, so I started keeping everything to myself. And I think the urge to cut myself started there?
Can anyone please give me some advise? Anyone who’s been through or going through the same.
I don’t know what to do. It really feels right, it feels (strangely) good to feel the pain it causes. But I don’t want anyone to notice my scars. I would just cut myself somewhere people are not likely to see them, but I feel the urge to cut on my forearm and on my legs. I really do not know how to explain this. But something inside my is telling me where and how to cut myself.
I don’t have anyone else to share this with. I don’t want my situation to be a burden to my friends. I don’t want them to worry, because i think there’s nothing to worry about.